i dont like Puritains

Last week A period American Lit class of Mr. Bresnick did not meet at all. Although for some, this was a joyful and exuberant event for me, it was much different. Without English in my life, happiness fails to exist. If I do not get my daily dose of puritanical knowledge, I break down and go into a coma. In fact, the only reason I ever come to school is to talk about how the Puritans were ignorant, mean, hateful, merciless, cruel, evil, judgemental, and unforgiving. Because of these potent traits of puritanity, they have ceased to prosper and evolve. They way the Puritans treated Hester, Jews, and witches is disgraceful.  One day, probably the Apocalypse, the Puritans will pay for their sins, and end up all having unmarried babies. That is called adultery.
When I grow up I would like to be a professional witch trial judge, therefore people wouldn't get wrongly accused of magic. For instance, I would not put Chris Angle away for his magic because I find it entertaining and slightly mind boggling. I would, on the other hand, put away Martha Stewart because she uses mind control to make people believe her products are actually good. When in reality, everybody knows they're awful and will usually give you hepatitis B like Pamela Anderson. Lastly, Kesha is a witch. She uses magic to make her voice sound some-what good. In a live show though, she sounds like a broken cow bell. Plus if she could get off the booze and act like a put together person, who knows, maybe i wont think of her as a door mat.